And then you see somebody suddenly jump up and tear his hair out and scream, “Let me out. I’ve been here three hours. Three days. Three months!” Well, I really should apologize. I didn’t mean to scare your kids. I was just demonstrating “waiting room rage” blanton’s full set.
Let me tell you a story about the Lwungwa River Valley – that’s in Africa, you know. The dry season there gets very dry. My throat is getting dry just thinking about it. The Lwangwa River stops rushing. It slows to a trickle. Finally, it stops flowing, and all that are left are pools of water, here and there.
One by one, the animals head to higher ground. To forest cover. To other water holes. Anywhere they can find food or drink. Just like we will all do later. Did I say all the animals? Not all. Not the hippos.
The hippos stay in their river at it slows to a stream. They stay in the stream as it turns into pools. They stay in the pools as they shrink into puddles. As the puddles shrink, the hippos get more crowded. As the hippos get more crowded, they get surly. Cranky. Grumpy. They gnash their teeth. They poke at each other. They pick fights. It’s river rage!
Has anyone ever come face to face with a raging hippopotamus? Don’t be shy. Go ahead, put up your hands. Sure, when we’re young – I’m sure you all remember this as I do – we’re taught that they’re slow, cute, and cuddly. They might even be pink or purple and do those dances in tutus like in Fantasia.
But in the real world, hippos have teeth the size of your head. They can run faster than anyone in this room. And they weight upwards of 5,000 pounds. I mean, they are BIG! If you’re ever at a cocktail party and a hippopotamus starts, you know, flirting with you, whatever you do, do not let him sit on your lap.
Rage is all the rage these days. Road rage. Lineup rage. Waiting-room rage. Even river rage. You may also have heard of parking lot rage, elevator rage and airplane rage. What gives? Is the world getting angrier or just more crowded?
Both. It’s a fact that as our space and time grow increasingly crowded, our stress levels rise.
When it comes to space, we are cramming more people into more crowded cities, elevators, airplanes, stores. Our patience diminishes. Our good will diminishes. Our tolerance diminishes. Has anyone noticed they place the chairs at conferences – you noticed! — so close together that even skinny people get to know each other well. My theory is that the hotels are trying to develop their own niche rage market: conference seating rage.
Let’s look at our schedules. What are we trying to do? We’re trying to see how many items we can squeeze onto our “to do” list, and how many activities we can cram into a day. And the stress, where does it go? Right up there, exactly.
I want to share this one little thought with you. We are in the process of moving, so we actually have two homes. Stress that builds in my stacked concrete box apartment they call a condo, I can’t get rid of. It sticks. I can’t shake it off. It won’t go. It sticks. When I’m at my farm house just a few miles south of here, surrounded by grass and trees, it’s amazing how quickly I can just excommunicate the stress. Can I say that? Excommunicate? Why not?
In fantasy baseball,
there are 5 types of players. Great players, good players, worrisome players, bad players, and then…radioactive material. These are guys that might have some name recognition that makes them tempting, but are honestly so detrimental to your fantasy team that you might as well form your team based on closing your eyes and throwing darts at a list of the Kansas City Royals lineup for your daily fantasy contest.
If you have these 5 guys on your team, drop them now. If you are offered them in a trade, decline it. If you are picking a one-day league, if these players aren’t performing fantastically against the opposing starter, you better not even consider them. I think I’ve made myself clear. Ready? Good. Listen up if you want to do well with your daily fantasy contest.